Well of course, I am a chicken

Knowing surgery was days away made me feel anxious

and nervous.  Not that i didn't want my thumb to get better just that I don't like hospital WHITE,  Time just stops in a hospital setting and you don't feel in control.

But it is over, I don't remember a thing.  

Ra was my anchor and i am thankful she was here to help me out.

Bobby went out to the lake for this last bit of weekend.  Justin, Lyndsey, and Marah are there also.

Stitches out on Friday and it should be good as new.  I had been doing a great job walking but have taken a few days off.  Surgery was Thursday and I will start walking again tomorrow.  (Sunday)

I still have lots of projects to do around the house.  Wash and see which capris fit me for spring,  organize my jewelry on my $10.00 garage sale find.

Saturday Mornings

I am finishing up week one.

According to Livestrong.com

The calories are being counted and I guess they matter.

No real change in poundage but that is ok!

For now i feel great EXCEPT

i do have anxiety about my left thumb surgery on Thursday.

I know "He is a doctor, He does it all the time, It will be better after!"

What if..

It creeps in and makes me feel vulnerable and a little fearful.

Plus I don't like being unable to do what i want to do WAH

There i said it I vented !!!

Today i am alone at home which i cherish and love. 

Bobby is at Oconee getting all those things taken care of. 

I know how much he loves being there and sometimes

have to PUSH him to get going.

I am cleaning, laundry, office work and "hanging out"

When i return home all will be in order its my crazy ~ I claim it ~

When you can't control other things  (surgery outcome)

By George I can control my house being organized and clean.

Yup  its my crazy and it doesn't have to make sense.

Listening to Nora Jones, windows open, birds singing in the background

That's a good thing for sure 

Big Fat Happy Tears

That's exactly happened when i received these at work on March 30

Well actually at first i was just shocked and puzzled

Then i read this

Now the Big Fat Happy Tears as many coworkers stopped by and they also

said "Awwwwww"  Justin was not there to hug me but i received many.

They are home with me now so i can enjoy them here also.

A son...

There is something so powerful about that.  I remember thinking after he was born " I made a penis, how did that happen.?"  I asked God to help me wrap my brain around that concept because no part of me could understand this miracle.   Apparently Bobby was pretty impressed also because he was the photographer since Justin was our second baby and we had a better clue what to expect.  We talked about it and decided we wanted those first pictures to be taken by dad.  I remember hearing him say "It's a boy!  It's a boy" many times as we were both crying.  I was so excited to see these first pictures of our baby boy so new and fresh to the world.  His precious face and hands and feet.  Instead i looked at probably 7 pictures of his enlarged penis.  Bobby said he does not remember taking that many but the poses are all different and no one else had the camera.  

Justin grew up outside playing and running and jumping!   He was a boy!  i often wondered why he could not sit quietly and color and look at books.  Tamara did and she managed to stay clean for most of the day.  I quickly realized i had an ACTIVE baby.  He has a big heart and becoming a dad himself has opened him up to a wonderful world full of little kissed and hugs.  Marah loves her dad there is no doubt about that.  That spot in her heart is for him alone.  I love watching them together.  He has a woman in his life now that we are waiting to watch the outcome of.  I love watching all those special moments as well.  I am so glad he is leaving much closer to us now.

He blessed me today in a big way. I still tear up when i think of this act of kindness! 

It's a New Diet

So i am feeling pretty empowered right now.
I started to count my calories.
Today i actually paid attention to what i ingested
and i was shocked to see how quickly the calories add up.
I even joined Livestrong.com
My log in is CClenz and my password is secret.
It is a very cool website that also help me track
my workouts. My goal is to loose 15 pounds.
There i said it.
More important i want my BMI index to be much
lower than it is right now.
I am currently at 147 pounds and
my B.M.I .is 26.9
I want 18.5 to 24.9
I am actually very excited for tomorrow.
Definitely need more water that is my goal only 2 glasses today

On the Road Again

Yup I am almost back! Sometimes it just takes a minute. My mind is willing but my body is rebelling. Well actually my mind is thinking about it. Exercising full time again. The weather has been cold and i have been in a funk! I know the exercise will make me happy again. It is a life long proven reality. When i exercise i am a happier person. I am going to have to see a Dr. for my hands. My left hand thumb hurts when i bend it. By the time i get home doing the pump class is NOT an option and the last time i rode bikes YIKES. My right hand 2 middle fingers hurt mostly in the palm area and when i bend them. REALLY cause I have no other ailments !!! OK Enough venting. 65 appointment set up for attendance in the am! Keeping a brave front.

A New Day

THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE
LET ME BE A BLESSING
NOT TO GET SUCKED INTO GOSSIP
TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO ONE PERSON
TO CARE
TO PRAY
TO LOVE AS GOD LOVES ME
TO FORGIVE
MYSELF
TO START OVER
BEING THE BEST I CAN BE
NOT BY MY WILL BUY BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

It is now March 3

And my goal is still to keep moving. I have been away for a bit. But i have been having a wonderful time. Went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Going back home is always bittersweet. This time is was just sweet. I may blog about that later. But for now i am staying with my "Keep Moving" theme. Being away from the gym for 3 weeks was fun but now i am motivated to start back. The music, the people working out, the opportunity to just be with me makes me happy. That is how i feel at the gym when i am sweating. It is 2nd semester at school and that means alot of deadlines. Lately i don't feel like my light is shining. I am frustrated and need more hours in the day. It makes me feel short and a little nasty. I don't like to be that way. I know getting back to moving will help. That and prayer. Thankful that I can ask for forgiveness and know that I can start over again tomorrow.